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Saturday, August 11, 2012

Carol's 5 Stages of Early Retirement



Stage 1: Denial - On May 19th, when I received the "Early Retirement Pre-Offer Package" from my employer, I was so sure I was not interested in retiring that I almost did not open it. I had my beach bag packed and was half way out of the door when Jim brought in the chunky white envelop from the mailbox and waved it in the air.



Jim, "It's here!"



Me, "Just toss it on the kitchen counter."



Jim, "Dont you want to open it?"



Me, "Maybe when I get back from the beach."



Jim, "You're not dying to see what it says?"



Me, "I am not going to retire so why bother?"



Stage 2: Anger - Why did I open it? How can they give us only 30 days to decide? What makes them think someone else can do my work after they kick me to the curb?



Stage 3: Bargaining - If I take it, could I stay through the fall? What if I could come back to do some consulting? If only I could get a part-time job. What would it be like to have more time with Jim and to write and publish my novels? Would more beach time this summer really be so bad?



Stage 4: Depression Have I left a legacy, and if it is this easy for them to let me go, will anyone remember? How will I say goodbye to so many dear friends? Am I abandoning the people I coach? What is the point of going to meetings if I won't be here to see the results?



Stage 5: Acceptance I think I can, I think I can.



My official retirement date is just 1 week away. The 3 months since opening that package and moving through denial to anger to bargaining went by in a blur. I still feel like I have one foot in the stage 4 sadness of letting go, but the other is pretty firmly planted in acceptance--And amazingly, anticipation, hope, and excitement, too.



It turns out I will not be a full time housewife, writer, and beach bum. By a fortuitous twist of fate, I have found what looks like the perfect part-time job in Organizational Development at another healthcare organization, as well as an opportunity to do contract teaching at my local community college.

Elisabeth KΓΌbler-Ross may not have been thinking about early retirement when she developed her 5 stages of grief, but they are relevant to any significant change or adjustment. One thing I learned as I moved through the stages is that doing the hard work to pry myself open and let go leaves my hands and heart and soul open to embrace what comes next.



As I look ahead to next week, I know that I will have some "carry a tissue-box moments. I hope I can let myself feel all of it and come out the other side with my palms wide open to the sunlight, ready to grasp what comes next.

28 comments:

  1. Carol: Glad you found a part-time gig in OD -- just be sure you only do it part time. I know you made the right choice. You have a legacy to be proud of. You will continue to write the story that is your life, but hopefully with a little more time to stop and smell the ocean. You go girl.

    Chris

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    1. Love the reminder to smell the ocean

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    2. Carol, Your legacy resides in each of us who learned a little life lesson from you--and were better for it. I for one will never forget the kind note you wrote and the book you recommended after my mother died. Sharing your experience helped more than you know. Love broad minds!!

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    3. Rene, thanks for the reminder that the everyday little things count

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  2. Carol, I'm so happy for you. We'll miss you on the conference committee, and I'm sorry phone link didn't work this past meeting. I would have liked to say good-bye in person, but I'm sure our paths will cross again.

    Meanwhile, enjoy your new part-time position and teaching. Both are wonderful and a great way to transition into retiring full time when the time comes. Do work on those novels ;)! And we'll stay in touch, for sure. xxx Penny

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  3. Soooo jealous! Enjoy

    Julie V

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  4. Reinvention is the key to life in the 21st Century. And part time isn't bad either . Congrats and good luck

    Jim Neilland

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  5. Wow! My first HR boss is retiring! Congratulations! I know you are going to love this chapter too! Enjoy!

    Marion Stamopoulos

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  6. Definitely the right choice. See, you had nothing to worry about after all. Enjoy the next stage.

    Claudia

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  7. Carol, so very happy for you. I'm not surprised by the "twist of fate", you have so much to offer others! For those of us that you've coached....no worries, we know how to find you :)
    Hope to catch up with you in the next few weeks,
    Linda

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    1. Hope to keep seeing you here, and I will have the same phone number so just a call away

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  8. Sounds less like retirement and more like graduation! Congratulations and best of wishes in the next chapter of your life. Looking forward to hearing all about it.

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  9. With one door closing, others are opening. So exciting!

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  10. Thanks all for your good wishes

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  11. Sandra GarrettAugust 15, 2012

    I have to admit that I'm not going to like not "seeing you around". Honestly, I'm thrilled for you; but AtlantiCare will suffer this loss.You have no idea what your friendship and coffee talks have meant to me. You will forever be apart of my heart, and I can't wait to buy that "best seller" when it tops the charts one day soon. So long, not good-bye. I love you. Sandy GB

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    1. Love you,too, girlfriend. You are a keeper, we will definitely keep in touch

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  12. Ok - You wanted us to comment so I am! Bossy LOL. I am going to miss you so much. I am thrilled that you are doing what you want and need to do but I am sad for everyone left standing at the train station as it were. Whenever I talk to you I have ah ha moments even if its something small I say huh why didn't I think of that. You have made an unbearable time more bearable and thank you doesn't quite do it justice. You have this way about you that you always seems to know what we(I) need and that is a rare gift. I am jealous that you will be dispensing your wisdom elsewhere and that they get to have what we will be missing. But know this you have definately left your finger prints and a legacy behind. I hope I can take what you have taught me and teach it to someone else because that is what will keep your legacy alive and well and its definately too important to stop here today. I will miss you and I am greatful I was able to have the chance to work with you. Talk to you soon (no goodbyes from me). Enjoy!! Love ya! Beth

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    1. Beth, working with you has touched me in special ways and I agree, no goodbyes.

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  13. Carol - not only is stage 6 happiness but it is also pride. Be proud of the difference you have made in so many lives and your legacy will live on as so many of us continue to practice, demonstrate and refine our skills from your teaching. You have left this place better than when you arrived and that should make your proud and happy. You will be missed "and" (not but)we will continue your work. Your journey just continues now down a different path. No goodbyes friend, I will see you on the beach - you bring the cocktails! Claire

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    1. AND...I am leaving half my brain behind in your head. I know the half of our shared brain I take with me is better because of our time working so closely.
      I am off to buy pomegrante juice and vodka for our september beach deay.

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  14. Carol,
    Along with you I've moved through the five stages of grief. It went something like this.....

    Denial - I can't believe Carol is leaving?
    Anger - I can't believe Carol is LEAVING! (jealousy)
    Bargaining - But this is a great opportunity for Carol
    Depression - I can't believe Carol is leaving :-(
    Acceptance - Carol is leaving for a wonderful new opportunity and I couldn't be happier for you and you know our paths will cross again.

    Your footprints will be visible for many years to come. The integrity and respect you've instilled in many members of this organizaton will live on in their hearts and minds. Your legacy at AtlantiCare lives on!
    Warmest Regards,
    Maureen

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    1. Love your 5 stages Maureen
      Thank you for you thoughtful words. I knew I would cry today, just did not know I would start this early ;) :)

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  15. Carol,
    I think I finally figured this out!! I love Maureen's five stages of grief and agree completely with her sentiments. I am so happy for you; however, I cannot express how much you will be missed!
    janine

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    1. Yes you did!and I promise we will stay in touch--it is one of my hub strengths

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  16. Carol. Good luck from the guy that hired you. All the best. You have made a great difference for the people of AtlantiCare. Will miss you. All the best!

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    1. Thanks David. I learned so much from your leadership and appreciate your support over the years

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  17. Carol, this is a wonderful blog post and I'm sure very useful to others,congrats! You have faced transition with bravery, it's not over yet

    I bet you'll find 5 stages of post-retirement as well (grin)and maybe turn the whole thing into a boomer novel for our Goodreads Group to enjoy and comment on!

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    1. Thanks Claude, I love the idea of revisiting the 5 stages as I continue this journey.

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