“I am nothing like my mother.”
Such was my mantra - spoken and unspoken, often adamantly - since adolescence. Suffice it to say that I never held my mother's station in life in high regard. Oh, I have always loved my mother. At times, I even like her. I just didn't want to be like her.
To whit:
My mother did not drive.
I got my license at 16.
My mother did not work outside the home.
I work enough for two.
My mother did not go to college.
I went - on scholarship - and then some.
My mother married my father.
I didn't marry anyone, especially anyone like my father.
I think I even willed myself to grow three more inches when I was in high school, right after a woman in Korvettes mistook me for my mom.
You get the idea.
I must admit, though, that my journey through the decades has softened that adamance. I still scrutinize myself from head to toe for any signs of resemblance and meticulously work to eradicate them. I catch my breath when I catch myself saying something my mother might say. But when I was ambushed recently by our commonality, I have to admit: I survived.
Since my father died in 2006, I have made more and more of an effort to spend more time with my mom. When she moved from her house to a small apartment, I realized that she was a single woman, living alone, for the first time in her life. And being single is something I am good at. Maybe that was something we could share.
So, after a recent lunch date, I hung out with my mom for a little while in her little apartment. She is especially proud - and especially fond - of her music CD collection. Mom is no technophile: she has a Walmart CD player on the end table. Her collection of music is best described as "eclectic." And was somewhat of a surprise to me. I always knew I got my love of music from her (and the piano, which I have rolled into at least seven of my own residences). I just never knew how much of the same music we loved.
Oh, I am still The Beatles and Mom is still Elvis, but we both love "I'll Remember You" from Elvis' Hawaii concert. Mom's a little bit country and I'm a little bit rock-and-roll. Willie Nelson? I'll pass. But Ricky Nelson - we're both board. Rod Stewart? Mom (79!) is a big fan. Me, not so much. And I'll take Dean Martin over her Al Martino any day. Pick a song on any CD, however, and I guarantee you within 99% we will both know all the words.
But what really floored me was what happened that day as I was leaving. As I ducked out the door, I said, "Oh, Mom, you'll appreciate this." And proceeded to recount hearing a song that I hadn't heard in more than 20 years over the PA system in the supermarket. When I told her the title, she ran to her CD collection: "Wait! I have that one!"
“I am nothing like my mother.”
As my mother would say: “Famous last
words.”
Mary, this is lovely. I hope you and your mother have many years of companionship, discovery and laughter ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Mary. I really relate.
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful that before my mother died we became friends, and I was able to appreciate and enjoy her strengths and gifts. I realize now, sometimes what I saw as her weaknesses were really me just wanting/expecting too much from her.
Mary: Loved the insight into the tension between mothers and daughters. I know I disappointed my mom in my growing years. I did not follow the path as expected. But she never gave up on me and I have always appreciated her love. We don't have much in common, except a life of shared memories, most of them good. I feel so lucky to have her still with me at age 86. Makes me wish sometimes I had a daughter in my life. Having a son is great, but a daughter is a very special gift. Happy Mothers Day readers.
ReplyDelete