Recently,
I’ve received a lot of gifts with the slogan, FIGHT like a GIRL. They got me
thinking about what FIGHT like a GIRL means to me.
As a little
girl, I adored frilly dresses and ribbons and lace on my Easter bonnet, but
since my teen years, I’ve never been a girly-girl. I like to look feminine, but
I’m not big on accessorizing, elaborate make-up, or perfume wearing. I’m more a
touch-of-lipstick-dress-for-comfort-left-over-hippie-sensible-shoes kind of girl.
So, it
surprised me when in spite of everyone reassuring me my hair would grow back, my
first reaction to learning I’d lose my hair from chemo was, “I have to have a
wig, I can’t be seen without hair!” Before my hair even started to fall out,
without considering other options, I got myself a wig.
Then someone
asked me, “What exactly is it about losing your hair that has you so upset?”
Her question helped
me realize my reaction was purely emotional. It’s not really about my hair. It’s
about how much I value my healthy independence and determination and that when
others look at me I don’t want them to see a hairless, sick, unable person. I
want them to see self-reliant, determined ME.
Years ago, I
had the privilege of attending a panel discussion about disabilities. One
panelist was blind, one deaf, one a paraplegic, and another had speech and
motor impairment from muscular dystrophy. Each of them held professional jobs—accountant,
librarian, banker, computer technician. Their profound message has stuck with
me over the years—Instead of disabled, think of me as DIFFERENTLY ABLED. If it
looks like I need help, don't just do it for me, ask me. If I say I don’t need help, respect me and my independence and let me do it myself.”
That pretty
much sums up for me what it means to FIGHT like a GIRL.
I am so
grateful that my family and friends have offered me all kinds of help and
support. For me, Fighting like a GIRL means learning to graciously accept help
when I need it. And when I don’t, being able to gracefully say no thank you, I can
and need
to do that for myself.
It means letting
go of female stereotypes, and trusting I can fight this fight from my comfort
zone where I feel most like myself.
Fighting like
a GIRL means it is okay if some days finding the courage to face the day means letting myself weep in the shower as tufts of my hair
clog the drain or if tomorrow I need to take the wig off the Styrofoam head in
my closet and wear it to feel my best.
And for
today, Fighting like a GIRL means learning to rock the bandana and “pirate”
wrap look because they take me back to my not-so-girly-girl roots and remind me
I’m still ME.
Good advice, Carol. I was born with a deformity of the right hand. Like you, one way I have been able to fight is as a "girl" and as a writer. I have found over the years that writing gives me a way to shape my thoughts and reach out, not in a need for pity but as a statement of inner strength. I used to have an artificial hand. It looked like a glove, a kind of hand wig. I haven't worn it for many years. Your hair WILL grow back; my hand won't. In the meantime, let us accept what we are and make the most of our talents.
ReplyDeleteThe image of a hand wig made me smile. And, you are so right about writing being a tool in this fight. Thanks for putting my hair growing back into perspective
Deletecarol
Mare, yep, difficult and probably about time I learned it
ReplyDeletecarol xoxox
I think you really need to "let your hair down" and go with the Phillies ball cap look!
ReplyDeleteJulie V.
Julie, oh, my hair is down, mostly on the floor. Just ask Jim who follows me around with a vacuum cleaner.
DeleteAnd, all my Phillies caps have a peak hole in the back. So far they are "inside " guys,but one of these days I hope to be suck it up and wear them outside
Carol,
ReplyDeleteI think this is a good lesson to all to see a person as their true self and don't let the disease filter your view.
Having spent a few days with you recently, I can attest that you are still YOU, perhaps with a little less hair and maybe with a little more sensitivity (if that was even possible).
Channeling Helen Reddy here....
You are strong.
You are invincible.
You are woman.
You go girl.
Chris
Chris, I'm smiling, remembering a time years ago when I was power-washing our house in the rain and our neighbor came out and sang me those lines from Helen Reddy's song
ReplyDeleteI love that song by Helen Reddy ! I think each person has to be given the space to handle his/her journey in whatever way is best for them. I appreciate your blogs because they give me insight .
ReplyDeleteYour forthrightness in sharing your intimate feelings is a testament to your strength.Thank you.
Thanks Mimi, my blogs help give me insight, too. Sharing feels risky sometimes and it helps hearing they might help someone else
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Great piece Carol! Inspiring, uplifting, positive, strong and enpowering!! You show great strength and integrity. I'm very proud of you and in awe of how you're handling all the bad stuff. You are proving to the world that you're Fighting like a Girl with strength, love, and grace! Keep it up! Great job Carol. Girl Power all the way. You're beautiful.
ReplyDelete
DeleteCarol Fragale BrillSeptember 07, 2014
Wow, that's a lot of flattering qualities . . . Do you think you might be just a tad biased?
Carol, you're an inspiration. You're fighting as a WOMAN in my opinion. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie, that means a lot to me. I hope I can live up to it
DeleteThanks, Carol! I'm with the rest that your courage is an inspiration. And with Helen Reddy: you roar!
ReplyDelete...Love all that pink stuff, though... ;-)
Thanks Mary. trying to give the roar my best shot rocking the whole pink thing. carol
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