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Friday, September 26, 2014

Bald IS Beautiful

by Carol Fragale Brill

Over the last couple of months, my family and friends have repeatedly reassured me that Bald is Beautiful. While I appreciate the sentiment, I didn't believe them and chalked it up to everyone just being supportive and kind.

And then I saw Joan Lunden's picture on the recent cover of People Magazine.

To say I am in awe and inspired that Joan Lunden bared her head on PEOPLE— a magazine read by an estimated 43 Million+ people and seen my who knows how many more— is a huge understatement.

Asked about her decision she said, "It was such a tough decision. . ."And it wasn’t the comfortable decision — knowing you were going to be seen by everyone in such a vulnerable way — but I know it was the right decision. I knew I could be a voice for a quarter of a million women . . . and I wanted to show that your health is more important than your hair. Your hair grows back after you stop chemo, and then you have your life."

I wonder if in weighing her uncomfortable decision she grappled with all the reasons not to do it—if like me, she came up with a long list of what-ifs and buts.

There’s a saying I learned from my Scottish friends, Bella and Julie that goes something like—if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas. The first time I heard that saying, I had no idea what it meant. Now, I think it means we can— and often do— stockpile excuses not to do stuff—especially the hard stuff that forces us to face fears or risk being seen as vulnerable.

Before I actually lost my hair, I was sure I’d keep my head under wraps with everyone but Jim. I can count on one hand the family and friends who have glimpsed it. And, then, Joan Lunden showed the bravery and beauty to let People put her bald head on their cover. I had to ask myself, if she put it out there for the millions who read People, is it time to suck-up the fear and insecurity by doing my small part? 

Unsure and uncomfortable, I talked it over with Jim. He asked me why, after being so private up until now, I’d want to take the risk.

The best answer I have is that the sooner I accept that being bald is part of my life right now, the sooner I take away its power and move on.
 
So, it seems like the best way to honor Joan Lunden’s bravery, is to (gulp) find the guts to follow her lead and do the same thing here.



21 comments:

  1. Carol, you are beautiful inside and out, with or without hair. Your soul shines through <3

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  2. I agree with "Mappy". You look like you (and fabulous) with or without hair.
    Dot
    XXOO

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    1. Mare and Dot, I hope you know how much I appreciate your unwavering support.
      x0x0x

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  3. Brave and Beautiful Carol. You look great!

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    1. Jeanne, your support and love helps every day. x0x0x

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  4. My saying is: Beautiful is Beautiful. No matter what our appearance is, beauty comes from within and it always shines through. Looking beautiful to me!

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    1. Fran, Beautiful is Beautiful is, well a beautiful way to look at it.
      thanks for sharing, carol

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  5. Carol,

    Cancer seems to strike at every possible vulnerability we possess. It is such a fearsome foe. I see the baldness as a sign to all that you are fighting it. You are taking chemo with all its nasty side effects to vanquish those bad cells.

    I look at you in that photo and see the beautiful person I know and love in your eyes and your smile. It is a big step to share the brutality of the disease like this, but like Joan Lunden, your courage shows others that you are living with cancer... you are not defined by it.

    Cancer has no chance against you.

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    1. Chris, love "shows others that you are living with cancer... you are not defined by it"
      don't be surprised if it shows up in a future post :) x0x0

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  6. I think you are beautiful! I took care of kids with cancer for 18 years. I love bald heads. I will tell you that only a select few of those kids ever even cared that they had no hair. They just accepted it as part of every day. The teenagers were a bit more upset and most of the girls got wigs. They would wear them into the hospital to get their chemo and then while they were there you never saw the wig again! They said it made their head itch! I now take care of adults with cancer and they pretty much have the same attitude. Some dread the thought of losing their hair but when they do it is almost a relief, like maybe the worst part of this is over!! You are a strong beautiful person and I applaud you the decision you made on your own! I also think Joan Lunden is beautiful bald. It has never entered my mind that it was unusual for her to pose for People this way, I guess because I am one of those that think bald is a sign of courage, being brave, being amazing and being a fighter. I wish you much peace and love on your journey!

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    1. Terri, like the others you mention, my wig sits on the Styrofoam head in my closet--sort of a security blanket I haven't worn.
      It takes a special kind of person to do the work you do. thanks, carol

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  7. Carol - I love that you decided to post your photo! Speaking for myself, I went through so many emotions over the course of my cancer treatments. At times, covering up with a wig or hat and other times going bald because I wanted people to know I was dealing with something serious. There is a cancer "closet", and I think it benefits everyone to open the door. Thanks for writing this!
    - Helen

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  8. Helen, I love the image of a cancer closet. Don't be too surprised if that inspires a future blog post.
    Like you, I've worked through so many emotions. Even as I posted my picture, I wasn't sure it was the right thing. Turns out it was for me and if it opens that cancer closet door for another woman, it's worth every doubt.
    Best,
    Carol

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  9. Carol, your courage and grace as you fight this fight continue to inspire me, and I'm sure many others. I love how one act of courage can inspire another, and then another: a chain of inspiration. Baring your head is like giving cancer the middle finger. I love it.

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    1. Julie, well cancer gave me the middle finger so seems only fair to give it back. And, speaking of giving back, I really like your chain of inspiration.
      Miss you friend
      Carol xoxo

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  10. My years of reading memoirs and writing my own have convinced me that secrets are poison, and sharing is love. Thanks for the love,

    Jerry
    Author of Memoir Revolution

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    1. Jerry, exactly. In the early weeks of my diagnosis, I kept it secret from my family and friends and it made it bigger and scarier for me. Sharing gives me so much more hope.
      Thanks for stopping by. Carol

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  11. Carol,
    Hair, just as teeth, limbs, breasts and even sight does not make the person. It is their soul. And in your soul is a warm and giving heart. You can't lose that.

    Julie V

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  12. ah Julie, thanks for that, it brought a tear to my eye-lashless eye ;) and then it made me smile :)

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  13. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that you posted a picture of your gorgeous self with no hair. You have always been so courageous. I have a memory of us at Mercy with a 3 foot Lee's hoagie in front of us. You were deliberating as to whether you wanted a second helping. (I, of course had already consumed three slices.) You decided against a second piece. THAT, my dear, is REAL courage. Cancer has no chance against the strong, resolute girl that you are. Stay tough and kick Cancer's ass. Love you!!

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    1. Felicia, laughing that you remember me staring down a Lee's Hoagie. thanks for the memory and for your love and support xoxo

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