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Thursday, May 29, 2014

Bells Will Be Ringing: Advice to Make Love Last

Chelsey and Blake: perfect together. 
I am posting this two days before my son’s wedding. How did I make the time? I’m the mother of the groom; I’ve been informed but not immersed in the thousands of details that go into planning a big wedding. ("Show up and wear beige” is the MOG mantra.)  It’s all fun from here (Please God).

My favorite wedding planning moments have been practicing our mother son dance.  We have not danced much over the years; he was a wall hanger at family weddings where we would have had the chance. But he is marrying a dancing queen, so I think (really hope) he is in for a future of dancing. It’s such fun, and an easy way to make her happy.

We’ve had two practice sessions with an instructor, and I’ve learned a few new steps. Now if I can remember to follow, keep my arms where they need to be, forget the steps and enjoy the moment. It’s been such fun for me that I’m starting a new tradition, dancing together on my birthday and his and any celebration in between.

 How do you make love last?

I wanted to use this post to give the young lovers words of advice on how to keep your marriage as fresh and exciting 30 years from now as it is on your wedding day. Sustaining that passion takes work and intention. Then I found this little pamphlet I have saved in my desk for about 10 years. I realized that Dale Carnegie’s principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People could be the recipe for a happy marriage.

·       Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
·       Give honest, sincere appreciation.
·       Arouse in the other person an eager want.
·       Smile.
·       Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
·       Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
·       Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
·       If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
·       Try honestly to see from the other person’s point of view
·       Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it more.
·       Cooperate with the inevitable.
·       Don’t worry about the past.

And I’m adding one more …
·       Keep dancing -- at weddings, parties, at home before and after dinner, always …

Trust me on this. Your mother knows.

Join me in toasting the happy couple, and share your best advice on how to make love last.



  1. AnonymousMay 29, 2014

    Have a wonderful time and enjoy the moment! My love to Blake. I remember when he was a bratty teenager and I used to call to check on him!

    Julie V

    1. He is still a brat sometimes. But definitely evolving. Thanks.

  2. You've pretty much covered it, my friend! All good points, but especially the one about dancing... We spend so much time dancing "around" things in life, when we should be dancing through it instead. xoxo

    1. Nothing can beat dancing in the house when no one is watching but your partner. I love when Bernie and I stop what we're doing when a song comes on the radio that we love and we just dance.

  3. I come from the failed marriage ranks so I really shouldn't be giving any advice. But I will repeat what I told my son before he got married - you are making a promise and you must do everything you can to keep that promise. So far so good for him. OTOH, your Carnegie advice couldn't be more spot on. As a former MOG, hang loose mother goose. What else can I say :) Good luck with the dance!

    1. I have never forgotten your mother son dance with Joe. It was the coolest song and you both nailed the routine. Too bad there was no You Tube back then to save it. I was apprehensive giving advice too having a loss in the marriage column, but giving advice is in a mother's job description. And I thought the wisdom of the masses could be cool to read too. I like the idea of keeping the promise. And no matter what happens, I will love the dance.

  4. Chris, thanks for the fun video--30 plus years into a very happy marriage, I agree with DC's advice.
    The whole dance thing brings back a fun memory. Jim was a definite non-dancer, so learning to dance was on our wedding to-do list. I found out early in the planning that I could get him to do ANYTHING else on our to-do list by saying, "Ok, this is the weekend, you learn to dance." He'd beg, for something--ANYTHING else and happily did whatever I suggested next. Never did learn to fast dance, but when we finally got to slow dance lessons, he realized it wasn't half-bad :)
    Have a wonderful dance and a wonderful time.

    1. I think the lessons were the key for Blake. He is listening to my advice already. At the rehearsal dinner last night at a restaurant, he and Chelsey did an impromptu dance to an Italian love song. It was very sweet.

      Big event today.

  5. Chris, I love this advice, and yes, keep dancing! My advice, find ways to laugh together. When life gets too serious, Carl and I watch stand up comedy, or sit-coms, or even just silly clips on YouTube. Laughing together helps keep things light. We all need that.