by Carol Fragale Brill
At a reunion last year, the guy who was my best guy friend in high school told me that he always thinks of me as one of the most upbeat and optimistic people he knows. I was flattered . . . and also pretty sure he was remembering someone other than me.
At a reunion last year, the guy who was my best guy friend in high school told me that he always thinks of me as one of the most upbeat and optimistic people he knows. I was flattered . . . and also pretty sure he was remembering someone other than me.
Fast-forward to last week. Over breakfast at a local restaurant, our server asked Jim how often I remind him of my mother. Jim said, “Hardly ever. Carol is always really positive."
Now it’s true that in my twenties, I proudly displayed one of those posters about using life’s lemons to make lemonade, and more than once over the years I have been accused of being the gullible one searching for the pony in a room full of do-do.
But . . . upbeat, optimistic, positive . . .Me?
When my old friend, whom I’ve seen maybe ten times in 40 years, called me an optimist, it was easy to chalk it up to a memory glitch. When the guy who has lived with me for almost 35 years and knows me better than anyone says I’m positive, I have to assume he isn’t confusing me with someone else.
Upbeat, optimistic, positive? Me?
I asked Jim what specifically I do that looks positive and he said, “You believe anything is possible—that you can achieve everything you set your sights on.”
Oh, that!
I never think of that as optimism, I think of it as being over-achieving, perfectionist, persistent me.
Don’t get me wrong. I love that on the outside, others might see me as a cockeyed optimist. It’s just so not what it feels like being me on the inside. Maybe outwardly it looks like I believe in limitless possibilities, but inside . . . inside, I imagine every pothole and pitfall—agonize about every possible thing that could go wrong. Time and time again, my insides say the glass is half-empty. It takes a lot of work to convince myself it might actually be half-full. Yet even when times get really tough, I rarely give up hope.
They say that courage is fear that has said its prayers. Do you think that might be the definition of optimism, too?
Do I sound like a glass half-empty or a glass half-full person? And, what half of the glass are you?
I am a realist. If there is a possibility, then I say go for it. But I will also be the first to say that something will never work, if I truly feel that way.
ReplyDeleteJulie V
Julie, wish it were that cut and dry for me. carol
DeleteI lean optimist, but recently I have noticed more cynicism in my thinking, and I chide myself about it. So I guess that means that it's my good angel telling me to think positive, right? I contrast myself to Bernie, who I lovingly call "Mr. Worse Case Scenario". We are so different in how we approach the world, with me the ready, shoot, aim approach and he the ever cautious look before you leap, and then look again and consider everything that might go wrong.
ReplyDeleteQuestion back to you: is Jim a half full person too? Do we find people who complement our philosophical views or who share them?
Chris, good question. I think he's somewhere in the middle. He doesn't usually sweat the small stuff. I see a bit of a shift as we get older and know he worries more about money and the future than he used to. I think that's a normal part of aging.
DeleteMare, I'm with you. I like knowing what's in it, too.
ReplyDeleteI am an optimist and always have been, even though it sometimes really, really annoys my hubby since he is very much the realist. But I think it's good to have a mixture of both in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteHolly, I agree, nice to have balance in a relationship. Thanks for stopping by. Carol
ReplyDeleteMy husband says I "fret" too much. That's probably true, but ... I like to feel like I'm in control of a situation so I plan for what could go wrong. Is that pessimism? I've heard: Plan for the worst, but expect the best. Good idea, don't you think? And surely "expect the best" is optimism.
ReplyDeleteSandra, like you, I'm a worrier who likes to think through all the possibilities.. Trick is to keep a balance of what could go right along with what might go wrong. thanks for the reminder to expect the best. carol
DeleteSandra, . Thanks for the reminder to expect the best.
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts about planning remind me of a friend who says, you can plan the plan but not the outcome.
Hi! I followed this link from a group at Goodreads for YA Reads for adults. That is something to think about whether you fit the definition of optimism. If you go for something you have to have some belief that good is possible. I am not sure what people are like on the internal side, but I tend to think that there are some optimist that do not always think of all the negative possiblities. Sometimes that may be a bad thing. I hope that you can have peace in the journey.
ReplyDeleteHi, so glad you followed the link and stopped by. Gave me a chance to revisit this post. I didn't know it at the time I wrote it, but my life was about to take an unexpected turn with a cancer uterine cancer diagnosis. Since then have had surgery, chemo, and radiation--a real test for optimism and hope.
DeleteI like what you say about balancing optimism with realistically considering the negative possibilities. That's what I try to do at my new blog, http://knowhopeknowgrowth.blogspot.com/
hope you'll stop by.
best,
carol