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| Before the fence |
Chris Brady
Earlier this summer, I decided to enclose my yard with a
post and rail fence with garden wire to prevent my dog from wandering into my neighbor's yard. For years, our backyards had been divided with a natural boundary of trees and
shrubs, but my neighbors (to my horror) removed two towering hemlock trees creating a gap that begged to be filled. I planted smoke bush shrubs, ferns and hosta on my
property line, but greenery wouldn’t keep this high energy dog from chasing squirrels, so a minimalist fence seemed like a
solution.
The day of the estimate I learned from the fence guy that my
neighbors had already ordered a 6-foot stockade fence to divide our yards. I shared
my plans with the neighbors hoping that we could maintain the open feeling on
our properties, but they preferred the privacy the solid fence would offer. "Have a nice life," I thought.
Post fence installment, the summer has passed with no interaction with people who have lived 20 feet away from me for more than 25
years. Before fence, we greeted each other in passing, sometimes commenting on
weather, news or life, and now, a social blackout. It’s a very nice fence; the garden seems cozier to me now;
but I miss the openness and the connection to others.
I grew up on a NE Philly row house street where you sat on
the porch on summer nights and played in the street with dozens of kids every
day. In contrast, social life on my street is sterile and isolated. When I
moved here in 1987, I envisioned my play life for my son, but it never
happened. Kids rarely play outside; people never invite you
into their homes; we’re cordial, but we rarely go beyond hellos. We all work and weekends are busy, but I know that it's different in other communities and I wonder what happened here.
I envy friends who have block parties and neighbor
relationships. My sister has had a
progressive dinner date a few times a year with her neighbors for decades. A good friend hosts an annual picnic where I have come to know her neighbors
better than my own. As a single Mom for my first 10 years here, it would have
been nice to have stronger connections. Approaching retirement, I am seriously thinking about finding a more welcoming environment for my golden years.
How do neighborhoods become strong social networks? Do some strong personalities become the catalyst that
brings people together? Do common ages/ethnicities make it easier to bond?
What’s your neighborhood like? Do you prefer privacy or a stronger sense of community? Share your wisdom.
I grew up in a neighborhood where nobody locked their doors, everyone watched each others kids, adults and kids were friends. Things changed, I think, most everywhere. It's rare to find that environment now. We seem to live with s much fear and everybody is just so "busy." Busy because information now has an immediacy...no more waiting for a letter. If you don't respond to email within a few short hours, people are wondering if you are okay. We had 3 TV stations...now I can't count how many, and more appearing every day. People are so involved...with themselves. The web has been wonderful for "meeting" people that you'll likely never come face to face with. But I miss face time. I really do.... And the garden looks beautiful, by the way!
ReplyDeleteJacqui, I think you nailed it: email and Facebook have made us believe we are socializing because we are busy communicating but the veil of technology hides a lot of emotion (and non-verbal cues). The face to face interactions are fewer every day. I still don't understand why the tall fence. I bet she wouldn't they would prefer not to friend me on Facebook either!
DeleteGarden was lush this year -- so much rain,
Chris, the neighborhoods where you and Jacqui grew up could have been mine--no locked doors, street games, back porches.
ReplyDeleteNow, my neighborhood is a bit friendlier than yours. Just yesterday a neighbor stopped in to tell me she was going "home" up north and invited me to pick and enjoy the tomatoes in her garden.
Until last spring we had a "connector" in our neighborhood. She had annual holiday or summer parties and invited literally everyone within a few block radius. I credit her for most of the people I know. She had a in ground pool we affectionately call "Betty's rehab pool" because when I broke my legs, or a neighbor had knee or hip surgery, we were always welcome to use her pool daily for water P.T.
Our neighborhood lost a great neighbor when Betty died last spring. I hope we hold onto her legacy. carol
Carol, I think the connector idea is the key. They go out of their way to make things happen -- joining satellites of people together (friends, neighbors and relatives). I wish I had that kind of extroversion. I admit that I enjoy going to these parties but I hardly ever organize them myself.
DeleteThat tall fence probably would have prevented me from seeing my neighbor in his tighty whities one Sunday morning! I can't even look at him now without picturing that sight! He avoids me too. If I am outside, he sits in his car until I leave before he gets out to go into his house. I tried to wait him out one time - he pulled out of the driveway he just pulled into!
ReplyDeleteThe neighbor across the street has reported me twice to the township for having work done without a permit. Of course it was work that he does for a living and I was using my "anything for a buck guys".
Needless to say, my new neighbors are nothing like the ones I grew up with in West Conshohocken or the ones I had in Roxborough.
Julie V.
Great post. I never wanted a fence till this year, when two overly exuberant fishermen moved next door to me in Cape May. Now they ferry 24-can cases of exuberance across my back yard a few days a week!
ReplyDeleteThe Olney neighborhood where I grew up was neighborly in that old school way. We shared parents and siblings and porches and that big common back driveway. And information. You could bet Mrs. Bowler knew your grades or your scrapes almost as fast as your mother did!
One hint: if you want to meet the neighbors, take the dog for a walk. The nice ones will say "hello" while the stuffy ones will stand in their driveways with their hands on their hips...so be a good neighbor and bring a pooper bag!
Great post. I never wanted a fence till this year, when two overly exuberant fishermen moved next door to me in Cape May. Now they ferry 24-can cases of exuberance across my back yard a few days a week!
ReplyDeleteThe Olney neighborhood where I grew up was neighborly in that old school way. We shared parents and siblings and porches and that big common back driveway. And information. You could bet Mrs. Bowler knew your grades or your scrapes almost as fast as your mother did!
One hint: if you want to meet the neighbors, take the dog for a walk. The nice ones will say "hello" while the stuffy ones will stand in their driveways with their hands on their hips...so be a good neighbor and bring a pooper bag!
I agree with Mary, having a dog is the number one way I have met neighbors, though having a toddler helps too. Narberth is an old-fashioned kind of town. I know most of my neighbors, and am friends with some of them. I love that about where I live.
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